Why I Hate Xmas & the Recipe for a Peaceful Day……

19 Dec

I hate Christmas.  I hate the hypocrisy of it most off all.  Firstly, it is a religious festival which by its very definition makes it a farce.  I’ll bet for 99.9% of Christians the only time they even consider the fact that it is allegedly the day their ‘saviour’ was born only crosses their deluded minds as they sit watching the primary school nativity.

Money is the primary driving force behind Christmas.  This is self apparent when the news reports the sales figures in comparison to the previous year, even before the numbers are in.  If, like me you’re broke, Christmas only adds to the daily anxiety and pressure.  Not just because you are obliged to buy over priced junk for your nieces and nephews but because of all of the pre-Christmas social events you are expected to attend.  Then there’s the pressure of expectation from your family who want you with them, though god knows why as no one can agree on what to watch on the TV.

Which brings me neatly onto the subject of the TV; for the last 2 weeks nearly ever channel has suspended any normal programming, rubbish though it is, and replaced the schedule with endless repeats of ‘Christmas Specials’ which are usually the same crap they usually broadcast, only longer.

So, for all you God fairing Christian sycophants; Merry Christmas……

My Recipe for Christmas……

You will need:

  • 28 x 10mg Diazepam/Valium (Other tranquillisers will work equally as well)
  • 1 x 1ltr bottle of Jack Daniels (maybe 2 for contingences)
  • 1 x 2ltr bottle of Coke

Method:

Start by taking 4 Valium with a large shot of Jack Daniels when you go to bed on Christams Eve. (NB: Try to leave this as late as possible.  I recommend doing it around 3am, that way you are unlikely to wake up until lunch time).

On Christmas afternoon when you wake up take another 4 Valium, again with a large JD and Coke. 

Continue to drink JD and coke topping up on the Valium, 2 tabs every 2 hours or so.  (repeat on Boxing Day if necessary).

Hopefully, you will not remember anything and spend most of the time asleep.

Finally, apologise for any broken crockery and abusive language.

It works for me every time.  Merry Xmas……

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